Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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