If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
