We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
