is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
