dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
