i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
