I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
