I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
