Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
