Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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