Sober January is a disaster.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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