We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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