Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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