The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
