you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you will always have a special place in my vag
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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