dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
