break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
