you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
