I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
