she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
