AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
