I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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