i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
