I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They took my balls.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
