I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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