she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
