Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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