i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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