great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
