you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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