As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
