I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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