WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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