i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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