god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
