well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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