I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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