I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
