All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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