Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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