It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
