I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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