I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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