i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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