We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
