Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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