guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
