I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
