I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
