i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
