I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
