i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
