Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
