remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize