do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
