There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
