I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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