is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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