Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just invented taco cereal.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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