I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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