Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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