If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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